her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
