Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
