she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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