two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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