i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
