he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
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Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
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Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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