Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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