and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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