What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
