ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
