woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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