Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
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