just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
