if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize