I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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