I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
There's even glitter on my cock...
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