i think my tv is drunk
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
