The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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