I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
