A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
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