I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
