i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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