I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so let's talk penis.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
