I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
