That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
