You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
