she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
