I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
