Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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