Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
