i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
