I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
