Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
