It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
