I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
