Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
