I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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