I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
