i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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