And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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