Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
