so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
