What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
whose ass print is on the piano?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
