Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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