"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
ttyl tear gas
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
