he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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