Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
