I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
