im six kinds of drunk right now
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
