I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
