wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
