Yo dont text me then not text me
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
People with herpes should wear stickers.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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