just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.