I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
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Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
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we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.