I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool