Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana