you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
