A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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