I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
