I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Im part way to drunk.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
