How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
