I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
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you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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