the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
