My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
