forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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