lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
