theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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