well I can't set my house on fire every night
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
