just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
