I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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