Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm like, not good at living.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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