Your face is a jimmy john
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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